Do not look forward in fear to the changes in life;
rather, look to them with full hope that as they arise,
God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things;
and when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms.
Do not fear what may happen tomorrow;
the same understanding Father who cares for you today will take care of you then and every day.
He will either shield you from suffering or will give you unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace, and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.
~Saint Francis de Sales
If you’ve read any of my posts, you know by now trust is not something that comes easily to me. I’m learning but ever so slowly. Reminders are always good for me and God decided to give me one yesterday.
This week I started the new treatments for my RA. I don’t do needles. No seriously, I really don’t do needles. I have finally reached the point that I don’t faint when I have to have blood drawn. But if it takes more than fifteen seconds to find a vein, which it usually does since they’re deep and hard to find, my heart starts pounding, my throat starts tightening up and the panic level rises rapidly. But then it’s over and I can go home.
Not so yesterday. I had to go to a hospital I’ve never set foot in and sit for an IV infusion. Now by infusion standards, my treatment is a quick one – only thirty minutes. I was there a total of two and a half hours to go through the paperwork, do the infusion and hang around to make sure I was okay to drive home. By the “I-hate-hospitals and I-really-freak-at-needles” standard, it was a long morning. I knew it would be what with the need to find a really good vein and then not only stick me but leave a needle in me…((((SHUDDER))))
So knowing it was going to be a panicky kind of morning, I went looking for the prayer card I was given in December 2007 when I received the Anointing of the Sick: the Be At Peace prayer by Saint Francis de Sales. I had considered going to St. James yesterday as they do the Anointing every Monday after 8:00 Mass and my appointment wasn’t until 11:00, but then it seemed sort of silly. If I haven’t forgotten that morning from over three years ago, God certainly hasn’t either. Instead I took that time to reassure my boys that I would be fine and took my breakfast at the seawall as always, choosing to spend some alone time with God.
As I re-read the prayer before I drove to the hospital, there was a line that seemed to float off the page and hug me.
God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things and when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms.
At the hospital, it took the nurse a more than a few minutes to find a good vein and her second choice would’ve been the back of my hand. (((BIGGER SHUDDER))) But when the panic started to rise, that line kept repeating inside me and I never fully panicked. Once the IV line was in, I was perfectly calm. Me? Calm? With a needle in me? Only through the grace of God.
I’ve had people tell me that they pray that I have a big miracle, specifically that my eyes would be fully healed. I am perfectly content to have all my little miracles like my perfect snowflake, my tree bench and the calm I felt yesterday. I see a little miracle everyday. They’re there. You just have to look.