Never Good Enough

My father used to love to sit outside early in the morning and watch the daybreak.  I love to sit outside in the early evening and watch the nightfall.  What interesting terms we have: “break” and “fall” seem a bit harsh for something that happens gently, gracefully and peacefully.  I’ve spent a great deal of time the last few weeks reflecting on the simplicity and complexity of nature.  The light and the dark. The sun and the moon.  The snow, especially I have spent time with the snowfall.  There is nothing in nature quite as amazing as the snow.

Yes I know, many people are quite sick of the snow.  It’s inconvenient to shovel.  It causes delays and even cancellations.  But I’ve noticed that no matter what the weather, we’re never completely happy.  If it’s too cold, we want it warmer.  If it’s too hot, we want it colder.  If the sun is shining, it causes sunglare during rush hour.  If it rains… well you get the idea.  If only it would snow just on the weekend.  If only it was sunny on the day of picnic.  If only…one of my favorite sayings.

But if something as beyond my control as the weather is never quite right, what about the things I can control?  What about my cell phone?  My car? My clothes?  There’s always an upgrade waiting.  Always something bigger, better, faster, more!!!

Now comes the scary question.  What about my kids? I catch myself at times eyeing the clothes they’re wearing and wishing they were in Gap or Abercrombie, but those are not in my price range.  I watch their grades and then try get a feel for how the other kids in the class did on the same test.  Does it matter if math isn’t a good subject this year?  They aren’t into organized sports.  Are they missing something?  The bad attitude that I get from them, is it just the way their friends are these days?  What about the rules of respect that I demand?  And do I compare them to each other or to my pre-teen self?  I was a high honors student who failed several of my classes and skipped as much homework as I completed.  I don’t want them to make those mistakes but I don’t want to punish them before they’ve even had a chance to live their own lives.

Why is  (FILL IN THE BLANK)  never good enough?

Maybe that is my fascination with nature.  It just is.  Raving about the bitter cold tonight won’t warm me up but standing in the eye-watering cold and admiring the stars, which are incredibly bright tonight, does bring about a deep sense of wonder.  I am innocent, if only for a brief time.  There was a time of innocence in my life when nothing mattered but the beauty of the warmth of the sun, the chill of snow, the droplets of the rain and the puddles they left behind.  The people around me were who they were, no improvements or changes were expected. Everything was good and “enough” was a classification I had yet to learn.

2 thoughts on “Never Good Enough

  1. Lovely post.

    And you know, the snow. Everyone IS complaining about the snow so much. Oh, and the snow days… But I don’t know, I think it’s lovely and when I get outside and I stand next to the 3 foot drifts in my yard, it just makes me laugh out loud. This Winter is so crazy funny to me. People need to lighten up about it a bit, and enjoy, perhaps, the coziness of being “snowbound” and just lay low (if they don’t have to get on the road for work that is…)

    Ice and snow, bless the Lord!

    Like

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